Forgiveness has three aspects. The first is an attitude toward those that have offended you and be in a spiritual and mental attitude to forgive them should they ask. The second is on a divine level in which you ask God to forgive you for whatever you have done which is based in the sacrifice of Jesus on the cross. The third type of forgiveness is what we will address today. Have you forgiven yourself? As far as I am concerned there is no doubt that the apostle Paul was haunted by his own guilt for what he did to the early church by imprisoning and causing the death of believers. He mentions that several times in the Scriptures.
Every single one of us has done something that requires forgiveness. Sometimes it is difficult for us to face our own failures. You might ask God to forgive you, but there are mechanics in which you need to learn how to forgive yourself. What can you do about that which has haunted you even though you have forgiveness from others and forgiveness of God?
You must realize that a lack of self-forgiveness may have a significant purpose for yourself. It might help you to stay on the straight and narrow to not commit such an offense later. It might be a form in which you punish yourself for that which cannot be healed. To not forgive yourself can be a way of deepening your depression that could in some cases be part of the offense in the beginning. To not forgive yourself could be a badge of courage in which you make a martyr of yourself for bearing the weight of such an offense.
The first step to forgiving yourself is to admit that history cannot be changed. You must resolve within yourself that what is done is done. Whatever you have done that is offensive has nothing to do with the present or the future unless you make it so.
Forgiving yourself requires you to look to a brighter future in which there are alternatives to how you live and relate to other people. Even though you cannot change the past, you can anticipate the future to be a better person.
Whatever offense you have committed will always be part of you. That does not mean that you have to keep it in the forefront of your thinking. It is most important to dwell on the future and the positive relationships that you develop.
You cannot allow yourself to continue making re-competences for offenses and that includes to yourself. Concentrate on the better part of yourself, the abilities you have, the skills you have and the capabilities that you have to make our little world a better place for you and others to live.
Write yourself a letter as if you were writing someone else. Dump out all the terrible that you believe about yourself from this offense. Make whatever accusations you wish. Let your mind have a free flow of thoughts. When you have finally vomited out all the terrible about you, present this letter to God and send it to him in smoke as the letter is consumed.
Learn from your mistakes. Teach yourself a better way to relate to people and other circumstances. Make emphasis of a plan to treat yourself better. Apply lessons learned to future experiences.
It is assumed that you have already asked God to give you. Ask yourself why he forgave you. Learn more about his mercy and kindness. Duplicate that in your attitude about you.
If you feel the need to make a restitution or confession to another trusted person, do it. Tell that person about the first moment that you went astray. Tell that person what continued to motivate you down that path. Ask that person to pray for you as an intercessory prayer in your behalf.
Avoid ruminating about the event. The more you think about it the more you will anchor how terrible a person you are in your own thoughts. Whenever you are tempted to rehearse the event, immediately replace it over and over and over with good thoughts.
If necessary, leave behind the person that was involved in the offense with you. Make new friends and new associates. Develop a new lifestyle for yourself in which you see yourself as an overcomer and not one that is always beneath what you cannot cure.
Recognizing the Scriptures about those people who have committed an offense. Study to see how they dealt with their personal failures. Observe the direction they took later in life that was more of a mountaintop experience and not stuck in a valley. David is a good example. (Psalm 51)
Begin loving yourself. Jesus said that we are to love others as we love our own selves. The implication is that we truly cannot love other people unless we allow ourselves to love who we are. Fall in love with yourself, not in a narcissistic way, but in a healthy honorable way.
Be good to yourself. Make plans for good things to happen. Do what would normally bring happiness whether it be camping or fishing or dancing or traveling or crafts. Before this event occurred what made you happy? Begin repeating those things.
Avoid building roadblocks to whatever direction in the future you plan to take. Unfortunately, we can easily sabotage ourselves. The things mentioned above can become null and void if you sink them. Catch yourself and correct yourself whenever you criticize yourself, what you do, how you do it. Self-criticism is a certain roadblock to creating a better life.
Begin doing the new or novel things that youāve never done before. Learn something. Invest in something. Involve yourself in something. Study a new topic. Ask questions of experts. Take notes. Create a basis for a new you.
Without falling back into self-accusation, ask yourself what the motive for you was to commit the offense. Was it greed, anger, selfishness, lust, foolishness, an attempt to get the upper hand over someone, or just plain stupid behavior.
Most important of all, keep moving forward. Force yourself into the positive world. Never give up. Keep reapplying whatever would be to live in a world of forgiveness. Rehearse about the good and all that there is positive about you and where you are headed and what accomplishments you have made already.
Stay close to God by Scripture reading and prayer. Involve yourself in worship. Teach yourself how to love God more. Ask the Holy Spirit to be active in your life. As the Holy Spirit to search out those things in your life that need improvement or replacement. Praise God who is!
Christian Writer 