Parents do not have a manual for how to raise their children. The modern thinking is a shift in society to a democratic attitude that assumes children are equal to parents. This presents a significant challenge. There was a time in which the father was considered the supreme authority, the mother was subservient to him, and the children were supposed to speak only when spoken to. A significant shift in the family occurred in World War II with the men went off to war and the women became part of the workforce. This left a permanent affect.
Today a child born into a family maintains a struggle for supremacy and individual rights leaving the children with the impression that they had rights too. This also created a shift in which the parents were viewed as having responsibility while the children had rights. As a result, many of today’s children maintain an unwillingness to submit for what they perceive as arbitrary and unfair rules by parents. If we could return to the biblical structure of the family, things might be different today.
To deal with misbehavior, we must understand the behavior of children first. Often, children copy their home environment. If the adults swear or use foul language, the child will likely do that, too. Initially children are born with certain traits. Some are more naturally obstinate while others are more naturally submissive. This left many parents in a state of confusion for how to react to the wide variety of behavior under certain circumstances. With the influence and influx of societies that promote questionable sex identities, children often are given another confusion of who they are sexually.
Children have a natural desire to belong and to be loved. They need affirmation, acceptance, and approval in a way that builds healthy ego strength. They need to feel significant. Misbehavior has a specific goal. If a child cannot get attention in a positive way, the child will seek attention through misbehavior. Try an experiment. When you go to the grocery store, compare how a mother interacts with her child while shopping. The mother who ignores her child and carts her around will have discipline problems because the child needs to be noticed. The mother who interacts with the child while shopping usually has little problems with behavior because the child is getting positive reinforcement as an individual person. The child will prefer negative attention as opposed to no attention at all.
The child that is trying to get his way with bad temper tantrums is actually trying to manipulate the parent. The best response against such behavior is to not give the child the attention or the audience he so seeks. If necessary, walk out of the room while the child is left kicking and screaming on the floor. The parent must never present the impression that the child is in charge. The relationship with the parent about the child can offset his efforts to be vengeful or retaliate because they have self-doubts. It is a good idea to catch the child being good instead of catching the child bring bad. Even if the parent does not think that there’s much of an issue of goodness displayed by the child such as a drawing, it could be the best child can do and therefore should be complemented. The parent that offers inferior respect will also find that he is nagging, yelling, even hitting, talking down, or doing things for the child that the child can do for himself. This is a double standard and shows a lack of respect. The quality of individual time together with the child will often determine later behavior. Communication is more than words. It is giving the impression that the child is a significant person. While the child is still in the womb, the parents would be wise to develop a plan for raising that person to grow up and be a healthy contributor to society. The Apostle Paul wrote in Ephesians 6:4, “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” The implication of the word provoke can also be translated, “discourage” so that our relationship with our children is positive and effective.
Christian Writer 