List for dad to not show up at work as suggested by James Bradfield
- I don’t know which neighborhood kids made my tire go flat – need to find them to thank them.
- My steering wheel was too cold.
- Battery dead. Had to bury the dead battery and the ground was frozen.
- Bought a new tire but didn’t know whether it was a left or right tire.
- Had to change the air in the tires-it gets stale after six months.
- Couldn’t find the keyhole, but when I did the keyhole was frozen.
- Lights do not work before daylight.
- Couldn’t find my left shoe; I think someone left with it.
- I used up all the toilet paper last night.
- Someone stole all my socks. Then later found a pair of socks, but they are both for the left foot.
- Attended a funeral for a friend. Then later had to attend it again, the minister didn’t show up.
- Couldn’t find my eyeglasses so that I could find my false teeth.
- My bunion was hurting and when it quit hurting, the pain went to my head.
- I thought it was your secretary’s duty to give me a wake-up call.
- My son put gorilla glue on the toilet seat.
- I overslept when I fell asleep on the toilet seat.
- I still live with my mommy, and she won’t let me come out and play.
- I do not believe that you are my boss – I was told you were replaced by Darth Vader.
- I could not find my house last night; I don’t know where I am to come from where I need to go.
- My horse died after smoking grass instead of eating it.
- I could not find the world’s smallest violin for someone to play sympathy for me.
- The barn burned down, and I thought it was my house.
- I thought I was on Christmas break in July.
- I felt the president declared a new holiday just for me.
- The steering wheel won’t tilt with wonderful willingness on my part.
- The government pays me more to stay home then go to work.
- I have to practice my part as a nun in The Sound of Music.
- The devil told me to stay home.
