Father’s Day Gift of Reasons Not to Show Up For Work

List for dad to not show up at work as suggested by James Bradfield

  1. I don’t know which neighborhood kids made my tire go flat – need to find them to thank them.
  2. My steering wheel was too cold.
  3. Battery dead. Had to bury the dead battery and the ground was frozen.
  4. Bought a new tire but didn’t know whether it was a left or right tire.
  5. Had to change the air in the tires-it gets stale after six months.
  6. Couldn’t find the keyhole, but when I did the keyhole was frozen.
  7. Lights do not work before daylight.
  8. Couldn’t find my left shoe; I think someone left with it.
  9. I used up all the toilet paper last night.
  10. Someone stole all my socks. Then later found a pair of socks, but they are both for the left foot.
  11. Attended a funeral for a friend. Then later had to attend it again, the minister didn’t show up.
  12. Couldn’t find my eyeglasses so that I could find my false teeth.
  13. My bunion was hurting and when it quit hurting, the pain went to my head.
  14. I thought it was your secretary’s duty to give me a wake-up call.
  15. My son put gorilla glue on the toilet seat.
  16. I overslept when I fell asleep on the toilet seat.
  17. I still live with my mommy, and she won’t let me come out and play.
  18. I do not believe that you are my boss – I was told you were replaced by Darth Vader.
  19. I could not find my house last night; I don’t know where I am to come from where I need to go.
  20. My horse died after smoking grass instead of eating it.
  21. I could not find the world’s smallest violin for someone to play sympathy for me.
  22. The barn burned down, and I thought it was my house.
  23. I thought I was on Christmas break in July.
  24. I felt the president declared a new holiday just for me.
  25. The steering wheel won’t tilt with wonderful willingness on my part.
  26. The government pays me more to stay home then go to work.
  27. I have to practice my part as a nun in The Sound of Music.
  28. The devil told me to stay home.

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