Let us examine the concerns of a Christian mother. She said, “We became members of the church for the sake of the children. Since then, certain things have become a concern that raises the question of whether we should go elsewhere. The youth pastor has a hard time relating to the teens due to his inexperience. Our son has a boy in his Sunday school class that bullies him. There is a woman that gossips and tells lies about members. This prevents my attendance at the various women’s meetings. We shared our concerns with the pastor, but they fell on deaf ears. He preaches a good sermon but is not supportive to us. I grew up in a church; my husband did not. I do not believe I am being spiritually fed. I want my family’s relationship with Christ to grow stronger and better each day, but it’s hard with these problems in church.” Dear blog readers, what will you say back to this woman?
Scripture teaches that we are to take our concerns to the leadership; in your case the concerns involve the ministers themselves. Be careful that you do not discourage your husband spiritually while you voice your own issues. Some of these concerns could be handled separately by different people such as the Sunday School teacher or the parent of the bully. The pastor, as you have described him, ignored the wellness of the congregation and allowed sin in the form of gossip and lies to go unaddressed. Because these problems exist for your family, they may exist for others, too. Ask yourself what you would do if you were in charge. Then ask yourself if it is realistic to expect the minister to have the same wherewithal to make such changes.
Since you are considering departure, you are already half gone. Other than having a few friends and not wanting to become spiritually dislocated, why are you staying? Make sure you are not missing a better service elsewhere by your decision. Aside from this, ask yourself how God would tell you to leave. Also, consider that God might take the pastor elsewhere instead.
Make sure the children know that you hear them. Avoid putting words in their mouths. Ask leading questions. You don’t want to confuse your children even though they may find the end result beneficial. Separately as spouses interview each other. Alternate listening without interjections. Don’t discuss, hear. Later review the pros and cons. Outline what your family needs at a church.
Take an inventory of other churches where you could successfully attend. If there is none, don’t leave. If you conclude God wants you to stay, become even more invested in the church. The question to ask yourself is why you were not more invested in the first place. If the youth pastor is immature, that needs to change. Pray for him heartily. Make suggestions for how to relate better to the younger generation without appearing to be pushy. At the same time, don’t let him do more harm than good.
Have a frank conversation with the pastor. Be honest and tell him you have been unhappy. It will take courage, but you could be doing him a favor in the long-run. Decide which is a greater harm to stay or go. You do not want to search for another church and eventually drop out completely because of your discoveries. On the other hand, a hard to satisfy church member can be a detriment to the local congregation. Avoid making the problem more complicated for your family through bewilderment. Make sure the children do not blame themselves. Realizing that you do not have the ability to fix problems. God is still in charge.
Under no circumstances do I recommend you display a disgruntled attitude. In the same way, I am not encouraging you to leave. The best thing to do is stay if it is all possible. As you pray, God may be working on the hearts and minds of those involved. Avoid discussing the problems you have with too many church members. You could virtually be committing sin without realizing it but with definite effects. If God took you to this churches in the beginning, did he really? God may have intended a ministry that you could have on the church as well as being the recipient of something positive. Perhaps the pastor has not been listening to you because you presented yourself as a troublemaker. Allow the Holy Spirit to work in you and through you. You might be missing the whole point for why God told you to go to this church. If you have not discovered that point, rewind the tape and seek God for this answer which should be the first answer because that is not the question of whether to leave the church.
Christian Writer 